Some Updates

As I imagine you've probably already guessed, the pregnancy test came back negative. Not much else to say about it except I've accepted we might not have kids and that's okay. My husband and I have discussed what that means to us and basically it means a lot of fun (big) vacations and less stress. In going through this infertility journey, I found out about Resolve: The National Infertility Association. Under their "Family Building Options" section, they have information about "living childfree". I haven't yet read through it but plan on it at some point. It's interesting that information about this option exists; but when females are raised EXPECTING to have children and it's ingrained in your head that that's what you're SUPPOSED to do and you're not NORMAL if you don't, it's nice to know it's okay to live childfree and it can actually be quite liberating. I'm not ruling out trying again at some point, but I think a break is in order. It's hard on the pockets and hard on the emotions.

We're back in our house in North Carolina and it feels great! This is where we're meant to be for sure. Unfortunately, I don't have a job yet. It gets stressful at times, but I want the next job I take to be something I can see myself doing long-term.

I started working out again. Thank goodness! It's not even about the weight or fitting into clothes anymore Who am I kidding? It's totally about the weight and fitting into clothes! But...BUT...it's also about just feeling good about myself again. I didn't feel bad about myself before, I just didn't feel energized and happy. I signed up for this program called the Whole Life Challenge that starts on May 3rd, so hopefully that'll be another kick in the butt. It'll be starting at a good time for me...just about the time I'll be starting to slack off on exercising. ;)

Until next time!

Cue 'Hold' Music

http://twentytwowords.com/the-princess-bride-pregnancy-test/

And now we wait.  February 21st is the day.  Cross your fingers!

Turkey Meatball Sandwich

Even though I haven't been posting about it, I'm still making tons of recipes I've pinned on Pinterest.  Last week I made a turkey meatball sandwich recipe that was incredible.  Granted, this is the first time I've ever made a meatball sandwich so I don't have much to compare to, but my husband, a meatball sandwich aficionado, agrees it's very good.

Some changes I made:
1.  I ended up purchasing no salt added crushed tomatoes so I added some salt to take out the blandness of the marinara sauce.
2.  Instead of feta, I used cotija cheese.  Didn't notice any difference and since we're moving, I'm trying to use what we have.
3.  I also bought pre-seasoned ground turkey but then still followed the recipe instructions on how to make the meatballs.  Made for some really flavorful meatballs!

  

Not So Brief Life Update

Hello friends!

So a lot has gone on in the last six months.  I don't think I mentioned it but we moved to Missouri in August for a job my husband took.  Unfortunately, the job hasn't worked out, so we'll be moving back to North Carolina in...oh, about a month.  I'm excited but still sad to leave all of the friends I've made here.  There are some nice folks in the Midwest!

There are really only three major items taking up my thoughts right now.

1. Jobs
I was able to get two part-time jobs here.  One at REI and one as a froster at Nothing Bundt Cakes.  I have to say, the best thing about moving out here was that I was allowed to try some things I hadn't had the opportunity to try before.  One of the things I really enjoy is when I get a little sick of REI, I have NBC to break things up.  And vice versa.  Frosting has been really fun.  The people I work with are great and it's nice to just chill at work and frost up some cakes!

2.  Our Fertility Journey
Many people already know what's been going on so I'm not going to shy away from this subject.  I'm also of the opinion that these things should be talked about.  Well, let me clarify.  If you prefer to keep it to yourself, great.  But for me, it's helpful to talk to people about what we're going through.  And I hate having this feeling that I shouldn't talk about it because it's one of "those" subjects.  I don't know...maybe it's just all in my head.
Anyway, I realized last night that this month (assuming I'm doing my math right) marks three years of us trying to conceive.  We were seeing a specialist in NC (did one IUI that didn't work) and now we're seeing a specialist here.  We're set to do another IUI soon.  I'm currently taking fertility pills (letrozole) and an injectable (gonal-f).  That was pretty scary...injecting something into myself.  Never had to do that before!

It's been interesting to note the differences between the two specialists.  The one in NC is all about getting you pregnant as inexpensively as possible.  Seriously.  The doctor said that.  The doctor here, however, is very thorough.  Which is good and bad.  Good: they've covering all of the bases.  Bad: it's costing WAY more.

I guess I should back up here.  I haven't explained why we haven't been able to get pregnant.  That's partially because I don't really know.  The only thing that's popped up in all of the tests is that I have low ovarian reserve.  From the time I saw the doctor in NC to the time I saw the doctor here, my AMH level dropped from 0.98 to 0.74.  If you're interested, check out this site: http://www.fertilityassociates.co.nz/information-for-gps/amh-explained.aspx.  You can see from the graph that I'm in the red zone.  EEK!

*Side note: I just read this..."Very low AMH, usually considered AMH below 1.05 ng/ml, has been associated with extremely low pregnancy chances and many IVF centers flat out deny treatment to women with such low levels of AMH."* 

Oh such a rollercoaster.

I had an ultrasound on Monday and they saw 4 resting follicles in my right ovary and 6 in my left.  For an average woman, they like to see 12 in each.  So that gives you another comparison.

I go back on February 3rd for another ultrasound and more blood work.  Keep your fingers crossed for us that the IUI works this time.  I'm not sure I can emotionally handle any more procedures so this might be our last shot.

And funny thing.  It just goes to show that you never know what life has in store.  Expected to get married straight out of college...got married at 28.  Expected to have kids fairly easily...might not have any.  I think the faster I can come to terms with that, the easier things will be.

3.  Athena      
My rottweiler turns 11 on Friday.  WOO!  But she hurts and basically hobbles to her next spot and lays down.  It breaks my heart.  I love that girl.

So that's my life in a nutshell right now.  I didn't intend on leaving on a sad note.  And really, it's not.  We're going to have a party for her and we're all going to have lots of treats to celebrate her turning 77.  ;)

Take care all!

For Your Viewing Pleasure...

...Athena doing a hurkey.

Still In Love: Crepes

I'm not quite sure why I had this thought in my head, but I always thought crepes were difficult to make.  And then I saw Daphne Oz make them on The Chew and thought, "Hm.  Maybe I can do this too!"

My latest version is an apple-cinnamon crepe.

The batter came out very thin so I added some more flour.  Now, I'm sure crepe batter is supposed to be thin like that, but because my pan bows up in the middle, really thin batter will just pool in the outside of my pan.  Maybe it's time for a new pan??

My grandmother makes these amaaaaaaaazing fried apples and I tried to replicate that and failed miserably.  Well, maybe not miserably, but they didn't come out like hers do.  This is what happens when Nicole doesn't follow a recipe!  I just put the apples in a saute pan skillet with some butter and sugar and cooked until they reached a nice caramel color.  Which meant that I had some crispy parts due to the cooked sugar.  My husband liked the crispy texture, but I wasn't a huge fan.

I think I'll call my grandmother and see how she makes them.  To be continued...